Sure, it's entirely cliché to say that there's nothing I want to forget but that's the honest truth. I've experienced more darkness in my short 24 years than I'd ever wish on anyone, even Dick Cheney. But what "they" say is true--all of life, even the ugliness and misery, is important in forming the unique person each of us becomes. I had a teacher in high school who told me that I was "blessed with misery." I wasn't sure how I felt about his remark--wasn't sure that I believed him. About a year later, though, I gained some good perspective and understood what he meant. We are blessed with misery. It isn't that misery and ugliness itself is a blessing, but that blessing and grace often shine in the midst of ugliness and misery. Grace and blessing are what happens when God makes flowers push up through the misery and ugliness.
Five years ago, as a freshman, I wrote a paper about human suffering for my philosophy class. I included some personal stories to illustrate some of my points. And this is some of what my professor said in response: "The world is a beautiful and dangerous place, isn't it. There is so much joy and gladness I can sometimes hardly conain myself. And there is so much pain and misery I can sometimes hardly contain myself. And we live smack dab in the middle. That's where the light shines. In the midst of the darkness. Feet in the mud. Heart in the sky, and grace is right there, for those w/ eyes to see. You seem to be seeing it, and I'm so glad."
Most days, I do indeed see the grace through it all and understand how all of my life's events have made me into the wonderful and strong woman I am becoming. And for that reason, I don't want to forget a second and lose many of the difficult leasons I've learned. As the wise Erykah Badu sings, ""peace and blessings manifest with every lesson learned."
I'll leave you with a few quotes that seem approps:
"Kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight." --Bruce Cockburn, "Lovers In a Dangerous Time"
"I've been in trouble, but I'm okay. Been through the ringer, but I'm okay. Walls are falling and I'm okay. Under the mercy, and I'm okay." --Bruce Cockburn, "Fascist Architecture"
"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace." --Frederick Buechner
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